a scene from Tara and the Gooch (Glazer + Engel)

INT. GEOFFREY'S RESTAURANT - EVENING

The set of the hit cable television show "Best Cook". A row of five COOKS are lined up in matching white jackets. The one whose jacket reads Phineas is actually The Gooch. 

Various CREW MEMBERS do jobs in the background, rigging  lights, checking sound levels, etc. 

The STAGE MANAGER calls out the countdown. 

 

CUT TO: 

Chef Geoffrey, and his co-host, the gorgeous LADMA PAKSHI. 

Gooch can see them from behind from his angle, and it is 

quite clear that Geoffrey's hand is on Ladma's ass. 

Gooch scans the audience, Tara sits in one of the first few rows. 

LADMA PAKSHI 

For our last challenge, your 

assignment was to make a dish 

starting with each letter of the 

alphabet. 

CHEF GEOFFREY 

Indeed. And tonight, one of you 

will win the challenge, and one of 

you will be asked to bundle up his 

forks and say Tally Ho. 

LADMA PAKSHI 

Leslie... 

Camera goes to a tough looking FEMALE COOK. 

LADMA PAKSHI (CONT'D) 

You were ok from "A" through "D". 

We particularly liked your Devils 

Food cake. 

CHEF GEOFFREY 

That was spot on. Well done. 

However, we had a big problem with 

the endive in dillweed vinagriette. 

LADMA PAKSHI 

I felt like I was eating bunny 

rabbit food. 

CHEF GEOFFREY 

Right, yes. Off of the cage floor. 

LADMA PAKSHI 

But even worse, was..... 

CHEF GEOFFREY 

Phineas. What were you thinking? 

A beat. 

CHEF GEOFFREY (CONT'D) 

Answer me, you donkey! You whale! 

Gooch remembers that he is Phineas. 

GOOCH 

You talking to me, Brosenberg? 

CHEF GEOFFREY 

I am addressing you, knave, and you 

are to address me as Chef Geoffrey. 

GOOCH 

Oh right, yeah. Chef Jeff. 

The crowd chuckles a bit. A startled Tara begins to realize 

what is going on - that Phineas is  the Gooch. 

LADMA PAKSHI 

You were fine until we got to M. 

And then your take on Marsala... 

Clearly you are not Italian. 

GOOCH 

Woah... hold on a second! 

CHEF GEOFFREY 

You do not speak in my kitchen 

until further notice. 

GOOCH 

Fuck you. You're a douche and a 

crap cook to boot. 

A hush falls over the crowd. 

GOOCH (CONT'D) 

You stole all your recipes from 

David Bournais. Every chef in 

America knows that. 

LADMA PAKSHI 

Security! 

Lights go up, general hubub. 

CHEF GEOFFREY 

Out. Get him out! You, Goochman, 

are a bloody wanker! 

LADMA PAKSHI 

Can we edit out the last part? Or 

even that whole segment?